When Do People Change?

I'm often asked about change and transformation--how does it happen, when does it occur, what does it take to make significant changes?  I've learned and taught many change strategies over the years, but I've come to appreciate one fundamental truth:  people change when they are truly ready to change.

Ok, great, but what if I want to change now--can I force myself or someone else to change? My answer is not terribly satisfying to most--"NO".  Force is not a very effective change strategy. There are two motivational forces that drive all change--pain and desire. When either is sufficiently charged, some change can occur. I prefer desire as the primary driver for change though sufficient pain can get us started.

I notice in my own life that I can tolerate a ridiculous degree of pain without taking the necessary steps to get into action. Yet there is that moment of threshhold that the Greeks call "Kairos"--the moment of perfect ripeness.  The apple falls from the tree when that perfect moment of ripeness occurs. As the old TV commercial says: "No fine wine before it's time". So inquiry and observation--paying attention--will give us clues as to when the timing is right for particular change.

One of my favorite quotes is from Anais Nin: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk to bloom". So I watch myself for those kairos moments. It may take sufficient amounts of frustration or pain to get my attention, but then I look at what I desire--the gap between "what is" and what demands expression will call me to action.

We all have a song to sing, a dance to dance. When the desire to sing and dance is sufficiently charged, the risk of pain--staying tight in the bud--can no longer stop me.

I'm in one of those moments right now--I see it, feel it, desire it. I hope you are paying attention to your own timing process--maybe the time is right for you to take that next set of actions as well.

Blessings,

Gary