What To Do When Feeling Blue
Today was a funky day for me. I had one of those more awake than asleep nights and woke up at 6 out of kilter.
I spent the day in a funky fog and accomplished very little. In the past I would have done various state change, inner work, meditation, and "get out of it" exercises/strategies--instead, today, I spent more time noticing/observing myself.
Where is it written that every day has to be a sunny productive day?
So tonight I am reflecting and pulling up what I've learned over the last few months. Here are a few of my new strategies for those seemingly less than resourceful moods:
1. When I'm blue, be blue. I prefer to be present to whatever is there rather than resisting my thoughts and feelings. This goes against the grain of what we are taught by most of the experts, but I now trust implicitly my inner world messages--there just may be some important learning and messages for me to get. I choose acceptance of what is over "always be up and at my best". I find that being down can be quite helpful and instructive--feeling down provides me a measurement for what a balanced life can be. I don't want to live there, but it may be good to visit on occasion if for no other reason than to show me how significant I've made moods and feelings be. They really don't need to be that serious. What you resist persists. Being present allows me to let the feelings pass.
2. Observe and inquire. Rather than fight it or try to change it, I now ask myself "what is this feeling about?"
Tonight the blue is gone and from this reflective state I can see that I still have miles to go regarding the deadly forces of helplessness, hopelessness, and self-doubt. Life is good, God is good, I am good--feelings and moods don't alter that reality! The blue has passed and I can smile at myself--God, I take things too seriously sometimes!
3. Connect to Source. Wayne Dyer has declared that all problems are a result of feeling disconnected from Source. So as I allowed the feelings to be there, I now can see that I simply got caught in the illusion of separation--in truth, I can never be separate from all that is, all is one. Now that I feel connected with Source, I see clearly what the "disconnection illusion" has cost me in life. This illusion saps the strength, power, and juice from me. Now I'm excited to get to work tomorrow! Ideas are starting to pop! It's ALL GOOD!!!
Those are a few of my reflections tonight--what are your reflections showing you tonight? Are you paying attention?
Blessings,
Gary
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
When Do People Change?
I'm often asked about change and transformation--how does it happen, when does it occur, what does it take to make significant changes? I've learned and taught many change strategies over the years, but I've come to appreciate one fundamental truth: people change when they are truly ready to change.
Ok, great, but what if I want to change now--can I force myself or someone else to change? My answer is not terribly satisfying to most--"NO". Force is not a very effective change strategy. There are two motivational forces that drive all change--pain and desire. When either is sufficiently charged, some change can occur. I prefer desire as the primary driver for change though sufficient pain can get us started.
I notice in my own life that I can tolerate a ridiculous degree of pain without taking the necessary steps to get into action. Yet there is that moment of threshhold that the Greeks call "Kairos"--the moment of perfect ripeness. The apple falls from the tree when that perfect moment of ripeness occurs. As the old TV commercial says: "No fine wine before it's time". So inquiry and observation--paying attention--will give us clues as to when the timing is right for particular change.
One of my favorite quotes is from Anais Nin: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk to bloom". So I watch myself for those kairos moments. It may take sufficient amounts of frustration or pain to get my attention, but then I look at what I desire--the gap between "what is" and what demands expression will call me to action.
We all have a song to sing, a dance to dance. When the desire to sing and dance is sufficiently charged, the risk of pain--staying tight in the bud--can no longer stop me.
I'm in one of those moments right now--I see it, feel it, desire it. I hope you are paying attention to your own timing process--maybe the time is right for you to take that next set of actions as well.
Blessings,
Gary
Ok, great, but what if I want to change now--can I force myself or someone else to change? My answer is not terribly satisfying to most--"NO". Force is not a very effective change strategy. There are two motivational forces that drive all change--pain and desire. When either is sufficiently charged, some change can occur. I prefer desire as the primary driver for change though sufficient pain can get us started.
I notice in my own life that I can tolerate a ridiculous degree of pain without taking the necessary steps to get into action. Yet there is that moment of threshhold that the Greeks call "Kairos"--the moment of perfect ripeness. The apple falls from the tree when that perfect moment of ripeness occurs. As the old TV commercial says: "No fine wine before it's time". So inquiry and observation--paying attention--will give us clues as to when the timing is right for particular change.
One of my favorite quotes is from Anais Nin: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk to bloom". So I watch myself for those kairos moments. It may take sufficient amounts of frustration or pain to get my attention, but then I look at what I desire--the gap between "what is" and what demands expression will call me to action.
We all have a song to sing, a dance to dance. When the desire to sing and dance is sufficiently charged, the risk of pain--staying tight in the bud--can no longer stop me.
I'm in one of those moments right now--I see it, feel it, desire it. I hope you are paying attention to your own timing process--maybe the time is right for you to take that next set of actions as well.
Blessings,
Gary
Friday, January 14, 2011
Control vs Trust
Control vs Trust
Since my “Three Questions” exercise a couple of days ago, I have been in a somewhat quiet and reflective place. I've taken a look again at where stress comes from in my life and I see that it is largely tied up in my need to control and get rid of things I don't like in my circumstances. I don't like financial struggle, so I try to fix it by getting rid of it and controlling it. When I am stressed or worried about something, I keep expecting it to be different, so I avoid and resist accepting it and embracing it.
Growth is more about acceptance of “what is” than having things be the way I want them to be in a given moment. This ultimately becomes an issue of trust. I think about Jesus' teaching: “Consider the lilies, they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass...how much more does he clothe you?”
We live in an abundant universe. We focus so much on scarcity and lack that we miss some good stuf. Our attempts to control blocks our ability to trust in that fundamental abundance and goodness of all of life.
I listened to a talk today that speaks to this. Check it out and see if it resonates with you. It did with me.
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Blessings,
Gary
Since my “Three Questions” exercise a couple of days ago, I have been in a somewhat quiet and reflective place. I've taken a look again at where stress comes from in my life and I see that it is largely tied up in my need to control and get rid of things I don't like in my circumstances. I don't like financial struggle, so I try to fix it by getting rid of it and controlling it. When I am stressed or worried about something, I keep expecting it to be different, so I avoid and resist accepting it and embracing it.
Growth is more about acceptance of “what is” than having things be the way I want them to be in a given moment. This ultimately becomes an issue of trust. I think about Jesus' teaching: “Consider the lilies, they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass...how much more does he clothe you?”
We live in an abundant universe. We focus so much on scarcity and lack that we miss some good stuf. Our attempts to control blocks our ability to trust in that fundamental abundance and goodness of all of life.
I listened to a talk today that speaks to this. Check it out and see if it resonates with you. It did with me.
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Blessings,
Gary
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Three Questions
Three Questions
I woke up this morning with a thought—what are the 3 questions I could ask myself today that would forward my ongoing transformation? I want something that will focus, organize, direct, and structure my reflections for the day. Here's the format I came upwith:
1.Get into a relaxed state
2.Take a few deep letting go breaths
3.Quiet my mind
4.Open my heart
5.Ask the 3 questions
6.Let the first response come with no expectation, censoring, or editing
First Question
WHO AM I TODAY?
I realize that every day is a new opportunity to expand my sense of self. I get to create and recreate myself in ways that move me toward the ongoing unfolding of my potential.
What came up: “I am a deeply committed teacher of change and transformation. I love people and I love to help people—I am a person who makes a difference.”
Second Question
WHAT DO I WANT TODAY?
What came up: “I want to live my life today as though it matters—I matter. I want to release my self from doubt, worry, stress, and unrealistic expectations as I create this day full of desire and meaning.”
Third Question
WHAT DO I CHOOSE TODAY?
What came up: “I choose to live today simply, purposefully, and intentionally toward accomplishing small things that forward my progress toward creating a life of contribution by doing what I said I will do—follow my daily practice (previously designed and written) with desire and goal-directed tasks which I list—and write—each night before I go to bed.”
These are the 3 questions that are congruent with my 5 Foundational Principles of Integrity, Relatedness, Responsibility, Intentionality, and Accountability.
I'm going to have a fabulous day!! Hope you do too!
Blessings,
Gary
I woke up this morning with a thought—what are the 3 questions I could ask myself today that would forward my ongoing transformation? I want something that will focus, organize, direct, and structure my reflections for the day. Here's the format I came upwith:
1.Get into a relaxed state
2.Take a few deep letting go breaths
3.Quiet my mind
4.Open my heart
5.Ask the 3 questions
6.Let the first response come with no expectation, censoring, or editing
First Question
WHO AM I TODAY?
I realize that every day is a new opportunity to expand my sense of self. I get to create and recreate myself in ways that move me toward the ongoing unfolding of my potential.
What came up: “I am a deeply committed teacher of change and transformation. I love people and I love to help people—I am a person who makes a difference.”
Second Question
WHAT DO I WANT TODAY?
What came up: “I want to live my life today as though it matters—I matter. I want to release my self from doubt, worry, stress, and unrealistic expectations as I create this day full of desire and meaning.”
Third Question
WHAT DO I CHOOSE TODAY?
What came up: “I choose to live today simply, purposefully, and intentionally toward accomplishing small things that forward my progress toward creating a life of contribution by doing what I said I will do—follow my daily practice (previously designed and written) with desire and goal-directed tasks which I list—and write—each night before I go to bed.”
These are the 3 questions that are congruent with my 5 Foundational Principles of Integrity, Relatedness, Responsibility, Intentionality, and Accountability.
I'm going to have a fabulous day!! Hope you do too!
Blessings,
Gary
Monday, January 10, 2011
Physician Heal Thyself
Physician, Heal Thyself
I'm not a physician but the message applies. For 40 years I've been helping people professionally and I've often said that I can only take people as far as I've gone myself. Even though I have done years of self examination, undergone hundreds of personal and marriage counseling sessions, read hundreds of books, numerous seminars and classes, countless spiritual exercises, retreats, meditation, and transformational experiences, years of clinical training, a masters in theology (M Div), many spiritual teachers, and you name it-- I have often felt like an impostor. I've felt like something was wrong with me—somehow different than most people—and unable to accomplish some very important goals—like how to manage money, create consistent income, be more disciplined, write my books. I never seemed to make much progress with finances and professional goals—too disorganized, little follow through, procrastination, memory issues, and serious resistance to paper work.
Other people seemed to handle some of these basic skills—people who haven't done a fraction of the work on themselves that I have done. So what the hell is the problem? Now I'm not denying the skills, talents, and accomplishments that I have attained, in fact I'm proud of many things. Yet everyday I wake up feeling that I have fallen far short of my potential.
Over the last few years I have spiraled down into a very dark place. Worry. Stress. Anxiety. Negative beliefs. Loss of confidence. And depression. These go against the grain of all that I believe and teach. I've reached a point this year that borders on despair.
Now I know this isn't likely to win me any positive thinking awards; nor is my revealing all this likely to draw tons of business, but it is the truth. I often teach “make the private public” and “you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” So I'm taking my own medicine, and renewing my commitment to practice what I preach. One of my strengths is that I don't give up on the things most important to me. That's why I'm writing these blogs.
A few months ago, I was diagnosed with ADD. I can't tell you what an impact this has made--anger, confusion, questions--but mostly relief. I suddenly have a name for “what is wrong with me”. At first I feared I might be using this as an excuse, so I pretty much put it aside thinking I can fix this myself. Well I can't. I need help—structure, support, and maybe medication.
My learning lesson for the day: “Do something.” I can't do everything I want to do and certainly not everything well—but I can do something. So today I choose to do what I can do—and without self-criticism, scorn, or shame. One task at a time, one day at a time--”the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Blessings,
Gary
I'm not a physician but the message applies. For 40 years I've been helping people professionally and I've often said that I can only take people as far as I've gone myself. Even though I have done years of self examination, undergone hundreds of personal and marriage counseling sessions, read hundreds of books, numerous seminars and classes, countless spiritual exercises, retreats, meditation, and transformational experiences, years of clinical training, a masters in theology (M Div), many spiritual teachers, and you name it-- I have often felt like an impostor. I've felt like something was wrong with me—somehow different than most people—and unable to accomplish some very important goals—like how to manage money, create consistent income, be more disciplined, write my books. I never seemed to make much progress with finances and professional goals—too disorganized, little follow through, procrastination, memory issues, and serious resistance to paper work.
Other people seemed to handle some of these basic skills—people who haven't done a fraction of the work on themselves that I have done. So what the hell is the problem? Now I'm not denying the skills, talents, and accomplishments that I have attained, in fact I'm proud of many things. Yet everyday I wake up feeling that I have fallen far short of my potential.
Over the last few years I have spiraled down into a very dark place. Worry. Stress. Anxiety. Negative beliefs. Loss of confidence. And depression. These go against the grain of all that I believe and teach. I've reached a point this year that borders on despair.
Now I know this isn't likely to win me any positive thinking awards; nor is my revealing all this likely to draw tons of business, but it is the truth. I often teach “make the private public” and “you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” So I'm taking my own medicine, and renewing my commitment to practice what I preach. One of my strengths is that I don't give up on the things most important to me. That's why I'm writing these blogs.
A few months ago, I was diagnosed with ADD. I can't tell you what an impact this has made--anger, confusion, questions--but mostly relief. I suddenly have a name for “what is wrong with me”. At first I feared I might be using this as an excuse, so I pretty much put it aside thinking I can fix this myself. Well I can't. I need help—structure, support, and maybe medication.
My learning lesson for the day: “Do something.” I can't do everything I want to do and certainly not everything well—but I can do something. So today I choose to do what I can do—and without self-criticism, scorn, or shame. One task at a time, one day at a time--”the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Blessings,
Gary
Friday, January 7, 2011
Introduction
Welcome to my blog. Thanks for coming by!
Hi, I'm Gary Rollins. For the past 40 years I have been helping people through ministry, psychotherapy, business consulting, seminars, speeches, groups, intensive weekends, spiritual mentoring, coaching, and generally guiding people through all sorts of challenges.
But this blog is about me--my thoughts, my issues, my life--though I certainly hope there is something for you to gain here and I'd love for you to join me on this journey.
For the next several weeks I will be sharing some very personal reflections as I deal with some significant issues (to me) like serious financial struggle, depression, stress, overwhelm, and recently diagnosed ADD. I will not be sugar coating the issues nor trying to show you how much I know or how smart I am--though I can't help but teach--it's a part of who I am. Neither will I be putting on my martyring hat and trying to get you to feel sorry for me. I will simply be "making the private public" as thousands of people have heard me preach for most of the last 40 years of teaching.
Have you ever wondered what goes on inside the head of a psychotherapist, teacher, minister, or spiritual teacher? If so, then stay tuned--I'll be as honest as I can be. I'd like to say that I'll keep these blog posts short and to the point like the experts suggest. However, knowing me, they'll probably tend to be lengthier than necessary. You'll probably also see how my mind can ramble on--though again, I'll so my best to stay on topic. I now realize these are aspects of ADD and I am learning to embrace some of my limitations.
You'll quickly see that I am neither a polished nor professional writer. I do hope you'll also see a real human being, with real issues as well as strengths, and one who is passionately committed to growth and transformation in myself as well as the people who trust me and count on me for guidance.
Thanks for joining me--I hope you find some value here.
Gary
Hi, I'm Gary Rollins. For the past 40 years I have been helping people through ministry, psychotherapy, business consulting, seminars, speeches, groups, intensive weekends, spiritual mentoring, coaching, and generally guiding people through all sorts of challenges.
But this blog is about me--my thoughts, my issues, my life--though I certainly hope there is something for you to gain here and I'd love for you to join me on this journey.
For the next several weeks I will be sharing some very personal reflections as I deal with some significant issues (to me) like serious financial struggle, depression, stress, overwhelm, and recently diagnosed ADD. I will not be sugar coating the issues nor trying to show you how much I know or how smart I am--though I can't help but teach--it's a part of who I am. Neither will I be putting on my martyring hat and trying to get you to feel sorry for me. I will simply be "making the private public" as thousands of people have heard me preach for most of the last 40 years of teaching.
Have you ever wondered what goes on inside the head of a psychotherapist, teacher, minister, or spiritual teacher? If so, then stay tuned--I'll be as honest as I can be. I'd like to say that I'll keep these blog posts short and to the point like the experts suggest. However, knowing me, they'll probably tend to be lengthier than necessary. You'll probably also see how my mind can ramble on--though again, I'll so my best to stay on topic. I now realize these are aspects of ADD and I am learning to embrace some of my limitations.
You'll quickly see that I am neither a polished nor professional writer. I do hope you'll also see a real human being, with real issues as well as strengths, and one who is passionately committed to growth and transformation in myself as well as the people who trust me and count on me for guidance.
Thanks for joining me--I hope you find some value here.
Gary
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