When You Know What You Want...

When You Know What You Want... You'll Want What You Know!

I'm often asked, "How do I figure out who I am?"

In the past I may have answered that inquiry with suggestions that included personality type, birth order, archetypes, roles in your original family, talents, skills, etc. These are all rich fields of inquiry ripe with valuable fruits that expand self-awareness.

In the past couple of years I have focused on perhaps the most valuable of all paths to self-awareness: DESIRE.
I am learning that desire and self-knowledge are inseparably linked. Who I am will ALWAYS be revealed in  what I want.

While it can be difficult and even confusing to search for authentic self, as well as quite frustrating, your path of desire will continuously reflect important elements of who you are. This includes dreams, fantasies, daydreams, expectations, values, and beliefs--things that really matter to you. Pay attention to what you want. That want or desire comes from something--what?  Who you are!

I've been speaking with a client recently who has become paralyzed with anxiety and self doubt. A highly talented, competent, and intelligent person who has accomplished much in her life, she now realizes that she "sold out" some of her most important aspects of self by trying hard to please others, accomplish what "they" thought was important, and became quite successful in the world's eyes. In order to achieve at the level "they" encouraged and expected, she put aside her imagination--dreams, fantasies, and possibilities.

She reports to me that she stopped asking what it is that makes her heart sing--and now feels stuck, even trapped, in a life that doesn't fulfill her. We are in the process of asking those fundamental questions: who am I, what do I want, what makes me happy, what truly drives me. We are now taking a step back to explore what it is that she "knows" about her self and her true desires. What is she discovering? That when she tunes in to what she intuitively and deeply knows--her secret ambitions, her traits and attributes, her meaningful talents, her passions--she feels energized, excited, motivated.

Her career may take a very different track as she embodies the long standing advice of the sages, poets, and teachers of many ages. Teachings like "Know Thyself", " The unexamined life is not worth living", and the Rick Nelson line in the song Garden Party: "You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself". This search is opening up fresh insights and energy for her as she shares that somehow she has always known what  she wants, but somehow learned to put it aside. As she furthers her journey, I expect she'll uncover more and more of what she knows, what she wants, and ultimately, who she is--really is.

Blessings,
Gary