Remember the old song "Love The One You're With" ? In working with so many couples over the years as a marriage and family therapist, I've observed that most couples seem to look for the reasons why this person isn't the "right one" or isn't "doing it right"--fight support, right behavior, right way to show love, right way to communicate, etc.
What if we turned that around and started looking for all the ways that this is the perfect match for me at this time--look for all the ways that our partner is not only "right" but perfect for me at this time? What if you started every day with "How do I love thee, let me count the ways" as your first meditation? Then take every day to compile a list of loving intention--I wonder how many "right" things would show up on that list!
Make a decision to love instead of looking for reasons to not love.
Just a thought--but I'm sure your relationship is different. After all, it has to be about him/her, doesn't it? I'm sure that you need better material to work with to build "the right relationship". After all, who would you be if you were on a path to love even the unloveable? Maybe if you can just find the right person, you'll live happily ever after--or not!
Walk in love,
Gary
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Start from Core
I hear lots of talk about success, outcomes, and reaching heights of accomplishment. Obviously, these are important aspects of any individual as well as any organization. Yet much of the talk is about finding techniques, strategies, and improvement in habits and behaviors.
But where does quality improvement begin? If you are growing a tree to reach its highest potential, do you focus on the branches or the bark or the leaves? These are the visible aspects and certainly important. Yet the most important aspects of growth--in trees as well as in people--lie in the roots. It's the roots that determine the quality and strength of a tree. If the roots are well nourished and developed, the tree grows.
Similarly for people, if the core is well nurtured, potential is approached. What is the core? It is the essence of a human being--the deeper unseen aspects of who one truly is. It is the core of a person that determines his or her outcomes. You are a product of your core. If that core is ignored, you won't grow to your potential.
It is imperative, therefore, that you know who you are, how you are connected, how and what you decide and choose, how you direct your energy and attention, and how you create plans and appropriate actions in all your important endeavors. When you are grounded and aligned in basic core values, you flourish. What core values? Truth, Love, Power, Vision, and Wisdom nurture your soul and allow you to operate from that pool of divine energy that strenthens, empowers, and expresses your very essence or core.
Pay attention to the deeper things. These deeper things--values, beliefs, identity, and spirit--make you what and who you are. This is your core. This is your rootedness. Take care of the roots and the branches will prosper.
Keep growing,
Gary
But where does quality improvement begin? If you are growing a tree to reach its highest potential, do you focus on the branches or the bark or the leaves? These are the visible aspects and certainly important. Yet the most important aspects of growth--in trees as well as in people--lie in the roots. It's the roots that determine the quality and strength of a tree. If the roots are well nourished and developed, the tree grows.
Similarly for people, if the core is well nurtured, potential is approached. What is the core? It is the essence of a human being--the deeper unseen aspects of who one truly is. It is the core of a person that determines his or her outcomes. You are a product of your core. If that core is ignored, you won't grow to your potential.
It is imperative, therefore, that you know who you are, how you are connected, how and what you decide and choose, how you direct your energy and attention, and how you create plans and appropriate actions in all your important endeavors. When you are grounded and aligned in basic core values, you flourish. What core values? Truth, Love, Power, Vision, and Wisdom nurture your soul and allow you to operate from that pool of divine energy that strenthens, empowers, and expresses your very essence or core.
Pay attention to the deeper things. These deeper things--values, beliefs, identity, and spirit--make you what and who you are. This is your core. This is your rootedness. Take care of the roots and the branches will prosper.
Keep growing,
Gary
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Look Inside
“You can out-distance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you.” Rawandan proverb
You've heard it said: "You can run but you cannot hide". It's true--wherever you go, you take you with you.
What does this mean? It means that you what lies within you will not be denied. We must be willing to allow Soul to express itself. There are many ways to express Soul--art, music, intuition, nature, relationship, meaningful work, creativity, sensuality, and bliss to name a few. Make no mistake, when we deny Soul's expression, we deny our fundamental essence.
No, it's not about success, accomplishment, wealth, or accolades. These can be satisfying and exciting--but they will not open the doors to your Soul expression. When the Soul is expressed, compassion is released. Purpose and meaning are marks of life aligned with Source.
It pains me to see so many people running from that which can't be escaped--and not even know it. Turn inward. As Jesus said: "the kingdom of heaven lies within". Soul, essence, and connection to Source--these are the places where the life worth living originates.
Peace to you,
Gary
You've heard it said: "You can run but you cannot hide". It's true--wherever you go, you take you with you.
What does this mean? It means that you what lies within you will not be denied. We must be willing to allow Soul to express itself. There are many ways to express Soul--art, music, intuition, nature, relationship, meaningful work, creativity, sensuality, and bliss to name a few. Make no mistake, when we deny Soul's expression, we deny our fundamental essence.
No, it's not about success, accomplishment, wealth, or accolades. These can be satisfying and exciting--but they will not open the doors to your Soul expression. When the Soul is expressed, compassion is released. Purpose and meaning are marks of life aligned with Source.
It pains me to see so many people running from that which can't be escaped--and not even know it. Turn inward. As Jesus said: "the kingdom of heaven lies within". Soul, essence, and connection to Source--these are the places where the life worth living originates.
Peace to you,
Gary
Thursday, April 1, 2010
" Excellence is not an act but a habit. We are what we repeatedly do." Aristotle
You've heard it said that "Practice makes perfect". Well of course that's only true if you practice perfectly. I suggest that instead of perfect, practice makes permanent. The more we practice a thought, a feeling, a behavior, or a pattern, the more etched into our blueprint it becomes.
So practice smoking, or eating unhealthy foods, raging, getting anxious or depressed, as well as any other limiting or unwanted pattern, and it gets stronger and more enduring--or permanent.
Permanent, that is, until we practice something different which overrides, dilutes, or cancels the former pattern.
The really exciting news about this "practice makes permanent" strategy is that in order to create a lasting positive pattern, all we have to do is practice it. So if you want to feel vibrant instead of depressed, develop a "vibrant" strategy and practice it. If you want to feel calm instead of anxious, develop a "calm" strategy and practice it. This same strategy can be employed for gaining health, becoming fit, creating positive expectancy, becoming more loving, or fun, or prosperous, or...you name it.
Our neural system depends on repetition; so does our learning abilities. Do you not practice weight training when you work out and do sets of "reps"? Wouldn't it be interesting to practice being honest with yourself? How about practicing letting go of unwanted attachments or habits.
We often make things far more complicated than necessary by trying to figure out all the underlying problems in a challenging behavior. I'm all for expanding awareness. In fact, I think that consciousness is the key to all transformation. Practicing positive patterns yields increased awareness.
So what do you really want in your life? Are you willing to practice having it? Then perhaps it's time to start doing the reps as you give up practicing the unwanted thoughts, feelings, and behviors that have probably been around for way too long!
Just a thought.
Gary
You've heard it said that "Practice makes perfect". Well of course that's only true if you practice perfectly. I suggest that instead of perfect, practice makes permanent. The more we practice a thought, a feeling, a behavior, or a pattern, the more etched into our blueprint it becomes.
So practice smoking, or eating unhealthy foods, raging, getting anxious or depressed, as well as any other limiting or unwanted pattern, and it gets stronger and more enduring--or permanent.
Permanent, that is, until we practice something different which overrides, dilutes, or cancels the former pattern.
The really exciting news about this "practice makes permanent" strategy is that in order to create a lasting positive pattern, all we have to do is practice it. So if you want to feel vibrant instead of depressed, develop a "vibrant" strategy and practice it. If you want to feel calm instead of anxious, develop a "calm" strategy and practice it. This same strategy can be employed for gaining health, becoming fit, creating positive expectancy, becoming more loving, or fun, or prosperous, or...you name it.
Our neural system depends on repetition; so does our learning abilities. Do you not practice weight training when you work out and do sets of "reps"? Wouldn't it be interesting to practice being honest with yourself? How about practicing letting go of unwanted attachments or habits.
We often make things far more complicated than necessary by trying to figure out all the underlying problems in a challenging behavior. I'm all for expanding awareness. In fact, I think that consciousness is the key to all transformation. Practicing positive patterns yields increased awareness.
So what do you really want in your life? Are you willing to practice having it? Then perhaps it's time to start doing the reps as you give up practicing the unwanted thoughts, feelings, and behviors that have probably been around for way too long!
Just a thought.
Gary
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